Second thoughts

My social skills group met yesterday. The group members are high school students with various emotional problems and diagnoses who need help with social interactions. Jeremy, age fifteen, is a somewhat sullen, quiet boy who complains about being unable to make friends. Last year one group member brought up the topic of sex. I suggested that the topic was perfectly appropriate and we would talk about anything they wanted concerning sex. Jeremy became quite upset. He rushed to the door and tried to lock it. He pleaded that I talk low, lest someone would hear us. "You'll lose your job," he warned.

This year Jeremy has become somewhat more self confident. Yesterday he rushed into the room, unable to contain himself. "I did it," he beamed. "I did it. I made out five times with a girl. I think I'm in love." He agreed to discuss his feelings with the group. This led to a general discussion of relationships, friendships, love, and marriage. Although the group five boys and one girl, was somewhat embarrassed and giggly, they were able to bring up most characteristics that distinguish love from mere friendship--passion, atttraction, trust, intimacy, communication. I pointed out that they had omitted one important characteristic--commitment. "When you are truly in love you wish to spend all your time with that person and not have other loving relationships," I offered.

"Wait," Jeremy sputtered. "I didn't say that. I don't want someone else telling me to brush my teeth and change my underwear. I already have a mother." "That's right," Stanley added. "I want variety." "David, a rather vociferous eleventh grader diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, had the last word. "I want quality, not quantity."